Santa, logistical genius

Just recently, an elderly, portly chap called Noel with a white beard has rented a large storage unit at each of our London stores. He’s a friendly, quiet, charismatic and reminds us of someone – but we can’t put our finger on exactly who. We were talking to him about Christmas the other day. We were excitedly pondering the age-old question – how does Santa really make it round the world in one night? He seemed quite knowledgable and shared his ideas with us…

Many people have grappled with the conundrum of how Santa gets round the world on Christmas Eve. The logistics of delivering presents to millions of children, quickly and in a sleigh that doesn’t appear big enough to hold gifts for a small town, let alone the world’s children, have long been a puzzle. Our new friend had some ideas on that…

“First up there’s speed – Einstein’s theory of relativity is a helpful start here – as it states – the faster you go, the slower time goes.  And the fastest you can travel is the speed of light – which might explain how he can make it round the planet in one night and why most of us don’t get to see him when he pops in through the chimney.  It’s not that he doesn’t come, it’s that he’s faster than the human eye can see.  So, if you’re lucky enough to see a flash of blurred red and white light, you might just have caught a glimpse of him.”

“Secondly, there’s luggage capacity – that sleigh is not very big, in fact it only holds just enough space for presents for all the children in a small town. That would mean popping back to the north pole to load up between each town, which is hardly convenient, even if you can travel at the speed of light.”

Noel reckoned that whilst it was possible in the past (when towns and cities were far smaller and global populations was a lot fewer) in this day and age it just isn’t practical to go there and back so many times. Noel continued,

“So what Santa does is find self storage centres like this one – the kind of space he can rent, in every town and city, on a short term basis. He gets the goods out to these ‘hubs’ during the autumn and then he doesn’t have to go far to fill up his sleigh.  Elves are allocated to help at each hub.  They keep tabs on Santa’s progress (so know he’s close) using the NORAD Santa Tracker (most Storage centres have WiFi available for them to connect to).” 

These days even Santa is on a tight budget, and Noel says he’s pretty sure Santa would do his best to pick storage with no minimum term or early move-out fees. He reckons the Big Man appreciates good service too – where the staff are warm, helpful and friendly. We were chuffed – because he could have been describing ABC Selfstore.

At which point he gave a hearty , “Merry Christmas everyone!”  and chuckled a warm “Ho, Ho, Ho” as he turned towards the door and headed off into the cold dark winter night. Just after that we could have sworn we heard the jingling of bells…