Billy and Beth.. Gran drops in

It’s part 5 of our light-hearted serialised look at fictitious London based couple – Billy and Beth. Whilst they’re out of the country, brother Brandon is flat-sitting and Gran decides to check up…

‘I am the one and only…’  Chesney Hawkes’ one-hit-wonder 80’s anthem filled the room in a tinny mini speaker tone, Brandon’s tongue in cheek ringtone announcing a rare call from his Gran.

“Brandon, Your Grandfather and I are passing later on our way back from the club. Thought we’d pop in. Round about three.  See you then.”

“Yes Gran, be lovely to see…” his gran had already hung up.  She was a busy lady after all.  Brandon decided he’d better clean the flat.

It was 2.58pm. ‘I am the one and only…’  his mobile rang, he knew it was his Gran again. “We’re just approaching, see you at the door,” and the call disconnected.

Brandon made his way down to the entrance porch, turned the key in the two mortice locks and slowly swung the heavy black paneled door open, just as a graphite silver Range Rover drew up at the front step. It was 3pm precisely. Brandon opened the rear door of the car and held out his arm to assist his Grandmother from the vehicle.

His outstretched arm was promptly swatted twice, fairly sternly, with a blue Launer handbag. “I can manage perfectly fine as ever,” his grandmother instructed him with a hint of a grin as she proceeded to step down, unaided from the car.

“How are you?” she asked, giving Brandon a light grandmotherly poke in the ribs, and gesturing towards the steps of the house began to move inside. “Enjoying having your own pad for a bit, I bet?”  

“Yes Gran, loving it. I’ll start looking for a place of my own once Billy and Beth are back. Can’t stop at Dad’s much longer.”  Brandon half turned to greet his Grandad who was following them in, “Hello Grandad, how are you?” 

“Can’t complain. Went to an event at the club this morning told them to stuff their electric golf buggy. Shanks’ pony the best way to travel. oh…”   Brandon’s visitors looked shocked as they made their way into the flat.

“What’ve you done with Brandon you impostor?” His Grandmother joked. “Where are all your things? I’m not used to seeing your places so clean and tidy.”  

Have you given up canoeing and that crazy business of jumping out of  perfectly decent aeroplanes?” His Grandfather asked.


“No,” replied Brandon, “far from it. Beth didn’t want me keeping all my toys in the flat, so she suggested I get a storage unit with ABC Selfstore round the corner. I keep it all there now- it’s only up the road and dead convenient.

“Well, I’m impressed. I have to say I hadn’t expected the place to look so smart. I was expecting something like the day you smashed the windows in the double doors playing cricket in the long corridor, or the time you broke the table in the kitchen playing rugby with a colander. ” said his Grandmother.

“OK, OK, I get the message. The storage unit is brilliant though. I call it my Mr Benn cupboard.” 

“As if by magic, the shop keeper appeared” said his Grandparents in unison.

 “What would you like to try today Sir? laughed Brandon.


Read Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4